10.19.2005

My snakeskin jacket! Thanks, baby!


Word. Big ups to my girl Maggie for scoring tickets for me to see my much beloved David Lynch at UW on Nov. 7th.

Award-winning writer, director, and producer David Lynch will speak about
"Consciousness, Creativity and the Brain" during a special appearance at
UW.Lynch will speak about his films and about his 30 year relationship with
Transcendental Meditation, and its role in his creative process. He will be
joined by physicist John Hagelin, who was featured in the documentary "What The
Bleep Do We Know?" and neuroscientist Dr. Fred Travis, Director of the Center
for Brain, Consciousness, and Cognition at Maharishi University of Management.

Dude, I'm stoked. If you'll recall, I mentioned that Dave has opened a center for transcendental meditiation in LA.
Now you wanna know about zombies in Ballard. I don't blame you, so do I. After Risa, Keith, and I bore witness to their slow-moving antics on Saturday, I was curious about their origin. The PI ran a story on them yesterday. Turns out, the zombies are barely political, hardly artistic, and complacently anarchistic. Their message? Turn off your TV. George Romero must be rolling in his grave. What? George Romero's not dead? Well, his ideas are and their bastardized offspring impotently rub on the assholes and pussies responsible for perpetuating consumer culture.
And finally, a little Gilmore Girls love. Kelly Bishop as Emily Gilmore is amazing. As the writer's continue to give additional notes to sing, Kelly hits them all pitch perfect. Beginning with last season's story line of her estrangement from Richard and continuing through to last night's sugar fixation, we are finally able to like the traits which make Emily an uptight, blue-blooded, East coast elite. We can even feel sorry for her because she really only has a certain set of responses to deal with her world. Last night as I sat on the couch in my underwear with an open can of Bud Light, I found myself laughing out loud. What great writing!
Ivy League Updates:

10.18.2005

Oh my god, its techno music


I have, on occasion, gone an entire day without speaking to anyone whilst in the Vault. Today, however, I believe I have spoken to every co-worker in my department, and this, of course, after a night out which has left me incapable of putting two words together. They scratch their heads and give quizzical looks when I answer questions like, "Did you get a chance to get around to it," to which I respond, "No, I just had a cup of coffee." Beware bounding nonsensical non-sequitors.
Today's ineptitude is completely justified and well worth it. Superpitcher played a great set last night at Chop Suey. The show was billed as Kompakt vs. AREAL. ADA from AREAL opened and, not only is she fit-in-your-front-pocket-tiny, she manages to pull the depth out of minimal sounds, constructing, deconstructing, and restructuring samples to make the dancefloor vibrate. And guess who was out there shakin' ass with us? Could it be Crispin Glover? Nope, its Aksel Schaufler aka Superpitcher. The crowd was definitely warmed up when she left her gear.
Then, on the 1's and 2's, Superpitcher drops his first track. You know it--hell, I'm not even a trainspotter, and I knew it. Michael Mayer's "Lovefood" with its familiar warm, but not hot vocal and cool, but not cold synth is a great way to start a set--especially in a town that hardly ever gets solid techno acts. Superpitcher is a great ambassador for Kompakt, and by the time Bill and I had to leave, it was bangin' so hard that another universe was being formed. I'm talkin' BIG BANG! Track of the evening for me had to be Ego Express "Knartz IV" (Einmusik rmx). The "Oh my god! It's disco music! Oh my god! It's house music! Oh my god! It's techno music!" vocals crack me up, and I love dancing and laughing! The crowd was small, but attentive and some of the usual suspects enhanced the evening with hugs and smiles. Its kind of funny how one good show can make up for multiple bad shows.
And just a couple more links for your pleasure:
www.beatsinspace.net - Superpitcher mix located at bottom of Main page.

10.17.2005

To television, my only friend


A new report (reg. req'd.) by Simmons Market Research states that the gays like their South Park. And who can blame us, really? Matt and Trey send up everything from sex with hamsters to Jennifer Lopez. If there is a sacred cow, Matt and Trey have suckled at its teat.

On cable, gay men are most likely to watch — in this order — Comedy Central, Discovery, Spike TV, A&E, Bravo, Sci Fi, CNN, Lifetime, Fox News Channel and HGTV, it said.


Wow, who would have guessed. The part that freaks me out is the part that says we watch Fox News. Hopefully that's just in a "know thine enemy" sort of way, and not in a "Fair and Balanced" kind of way. At least it ranks beneath Lifetime.

And in more nerd related news (but still on a gay TV bent),
Russell Davies has been tapped to write one-off episodes of Dr.Who featuring bisexual Captain Jack Harkness. Am I excited? Well, can you see my woody? And, I've gotta admit, I've been a John Barrowman fan for a while--well, since the short lived Central Park West.
And to end the post, how about a quiz. Me? I'm a postmodernist . . . cool. Does that mean I need to get dark rimmed glasses and wear black?
You scored as Postmodernist. Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.

Postmodernist 88%
Cultural Creative 69%
Modernist 69%
Existentialist 69%
Materialist 69%
Idealist 44%
Fundamentalist 31%
Romanticist 19%
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
Um, is it just me, or are there a lot of "69's" in my results?
Oh yeah, and one last thing, Bill, I added a period after Adult. on my show listings post. You're welcome!!!

10.14.2005

The Horror


Its Friday which means I won't post over the weekend, which means that I sort of feel obligated to post now. So, here goes.
The
BBC reports that Serenity has moved into the top slot in the UK proving that, indeed, you cannot stop the signal. The UK also has Cronenberg's newest in the 4th spot. This just proves that the Brits know good cinema when they see it. After my viewing of A History of Violence, I began ruminating on Cronenberg's films. Has he made a film I don't like?
Let's find out.
Shivers, Rabid, The Brood, Videodrome, Scanners, The Dead Zone, The Fly, Dead Ringers, Naked Lunch, M Butterfly, Crash, eXistenZ.
Of course there are a few that I haven't seen, but as far as track records go, Cronenberg is a marathon man. Next up?
London Fields based on the amazingly mediocre novel of Martin Amis.
When I imagine Cronenberg directing a film, I like to imagine him as the character he portrayed in
Night Breed (horrible film with some ok visuals, and a great turn by Cronenberg). (See picture)
Anyway, on the cinema front, I believe that Bill and I will finally be going to see MirrorMask this weekend. Also up for next week--
StarBall with Mike and Janice.
And also on tap--
I'm torn for tonight. Do I go to
Element to see Tyler Stadius? Or do I go to Trinity to see Groove Junkies? If I go to Element, then I'm a lot closer to home when I decide to bounce. Both sets should be good. Tyler's been dropping some shit from Sensei and Urban Torque that I just really dig on, and the Groove Junkies first disc out on OM is drop-it-like-its-warm-and-needs-lounge-by-the-pool. Both crowds will have a high ick-factor, but I'll probably know more people at Element. What's a boy to do?

10.13.2005

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!


Today is a very special day for a very special lady (and not special like retarded). Warmest, gushiest birthday wishes to my girl Janice!
Do yourself a favor and buy something adorable from Copacetique.
And have you seen all the press Copacetique has been getting lately?
Here's some linkage:
Seriously, you guys, if you know this girl, then you know how amazing she is and how much she deserves to have a wonderful day!
XOXOXO
J

10.11.2005

Roll on over

I am exhausted. Is it because I woke up at 5:30 and went to the gym like a good little boy? No. I blame Matthew for my fatigue. I kept trying to leave his house last night, but I kept getting sucked back in--rather, rolled back over--to Katamari Damacy. Matt got a PS2 the other day and while it has been fun finally getting to see the gameplay in highly touted games like God of War, Katamari has lodged itself in my head like Tetris. Tennille has had the game for a long time and has frequently told me how great it is (she may dress this Halloween as Katamari). Of course I believed her, I already knew it was a great success in Japan. I just never thought it would be so mesmerizing. I could explain the game to you, but I don't know how much sense it would make. Basically, you control a ball and you roll around and pick things up. The more things you pick up, the bigger you get and, as a result, the more things you can pick up. The object is to get your ball to a required diameter for each level. This is a game that would occupy Janice's every waking moment until it was beaten.
Now for completely unrelated stuff.
Holy shit, you guys! Did you see the pics of Tom "Man of My Dreams" Ford?
Ok. Here ya go, from
Style.com



10.10.2005

My Smurf itches


UNICEF has made a lovely piece of advertising for Belgium. Check it.
And in much older Smurf related news, does anyone remember
this?

A place that nobody dared to go

So my last entry prompted a question from a few faithful readers.
"Jeremy," they query, "if Howl by Allen Ginsberg is your second favorite poem, what is your favorite poem?"
The answer to that, dear friends, is Kubla Kahn by Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
I swear its not my favorite poem just because it mentions Xanadu in the first line. Although, I must admit that Mr. Coleridge did have great foresight and prescience to mention such a great film in the opening line.
I'm sure you thought that I would have chosen a poem even gayer as my favorite poem, but I like the unfinished beauty of Kubla Kahn. I love its mouth-full-of-smooth-stones feel as you try to recite it aloud. It is a difficult poem that is as simple and direct as it is obtuse and meaningless.
I know, you think The Rime of the Ancient Mariner is a better poem, and most certainly it is. Its meaning is quite clear. Its imagery has a tangibility that Kubla Kahn lacks. It is a poem of great sadness about the dire consequences of faith; yet, I still prefer Kubla Kahn.
As for my third favorite poem, it begins, "There once was a man from Nantucket."

10.07.2005

50 year-long Howl

Today marks the 50th anniversary of my second favorite poem.
Here it is for your edification:
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz,
who bared their brains to Heaven under the El and saw Mohammedan angels staggering on tenement roofs illuminated
who passed through universities with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Arkansas and Blake-light tragedy among the scholars of war,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy & publishing obscene odes on the windows of the skull,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in underwear, burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to the Terror through the wall,
who got busted in their pubic beards returning through Laredo with a belt of marijuana for New York.
who ate fire in paint hotels or drank turpentine in Paradise Alley, death, or purgatoried their torsos night after night
with dreams, with drugs, with waking nightmares, alcohol and cock and endless balls,
incomparable blind streets of shuddering cloud and lightning in the mind leaping toward poles of Canada & Paterson, illuminating all the motionless world of Time between,
Peyote solidities of halls, backyard green tree cemetery dawns, wine drunkenness over the rooftops, storefront boroughs of teahead joyride neon blinking traffic light, sun and moon and tree vibrations in the roaring winter dusks of Brooklyn, ashcan rantings and kind king light of mind,
who chained themselves to subways for the endless ride from Battery to holy Bronx on benzedrine until the noise of wheels and children brought them down shuddering mouth-wracked and battered bleak of brain all drained of brilliance in the drear light of Zoo,
who sank, all night in submarine light of Bickford's floated out and sat through the stale beer afternoon in desolate Fugazzi's, listening to the crack of doom on the hydrogen jukebox,
who talked continuously seventy hours from park to pad to bar to Bellevue to museum to the Brooklyn Bridge,
a lost battalion of platonic conversationalists jumping down the stoops off fire escapes off windowsills off Empire State out of the moon,
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on the pavement,
who vanished into nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a trail of ambiguous picture postcards of Atlantic City Hall,
suffering Eastern sweats and Tangerian bone-grindings and migraines of China under junk-withdrawal in Newark's bleak furnished room,
who wandered around and around at midnight in the railroad yard wondering where to go, and went, leaving no broken hearts,
who lit cigarettes in boxcars boxcars boxcars racketing through snow toward lonesome farms in grandfather night,
who studied Plotinus Poe St. John of the Cross telepathy and bop kaballa because the cosmos instinctively vibrated at their feet in Kansas,
who loned it through the streets of Idaho seeking visionary indian angels who were visionary indian angels,
who thought they were only mad when Baltimore gleamed in supernatural ecstasy,
who jumped in limousines with the Chinaman of Oklahoma on the impulse of winter midnight streetlight smalltown rain,
who lounged hungry and lonesome through Houston seeking jazz or sex or soup, and followed the brilliant Spaniard to converse about America and Eternity, a hopeless task, and so took ship to Africa,
who disappeared into the volcanoes of Mexico leaving behind nothing but the shadow of dungarees and the lava and ash of poetry scattered in fireplace Chicago,
who reappeared on the West Coast investigating the F.B.I. in beards and shorts with big pacifist eyes sexy in their dark skin passing out incomprehensible leaflets,
who burned cigarette holes in their arms protesting the narcotic tobacco haze of Capitalism,
who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union Square weeping and undressing while the sirens of Los Alamos wailed them down, and wailed down Wall, and the Staten Island ferry also wailed,
who broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked and trembling before the machinery of other skeletons,
who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight in policecars for committing no crime but their own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication,
who howled on their knees in the subway and were dragged off the roof waving genitals and manuscripts,
who let themselves be fucked in the ass by saintly motorcyclists, and screamed with joy,
who blew and were blown by those human seraphim, the sailors, caresses of Atlantic and Caribbean love,
who balled in the morning in the evenings in rosegardens and the grass of public parks and cemeteries scattering their semen freely to whomever come who may,
who hiccupped endlessly trying to giggle but wound up with a sob behind a partition in a Turkish Bath when the blonde & naked angel came to pierce them with a sword,
who lost their loveboys to the three old shrews of fate the one eyed shrew of the heterosexual dollar the one eyed shrew that winks out of the womb and the one eyed shrew that does nothing but sit on her ass and snip the intellectual golden threads of the craftsman's loom,
who copulated ecstatic and insatiate with a bottle of beer a sweetheart a package of cigarettes a candle and fell off the bed, and continued along the floor and down the hall and ended fainting on the wall with a vision of ultimate cunt and come eluding the last gyzym of consciousness,
who sweetened the snatches of a million girls trembling in the sunset, and were red eyed in the morning but prepared to sweeten the snatch of the sunrise, flashing buttocks under barns and naked in the lake,
who went out whoring through Colorado in myriad stolen night-cars, N.C., secret hero of these poems, cocksman and Adonis of Denver joy to the memory of his innumerable lays of girls in empty lots & diner backyards, moviehouses' rickety rows, on mountaintops in caves or with gaunt waitresses in familiar roadside lonely petticoat upliftings & especially secret gas-station solipsisms of johns, & hometown alleys too,
who faded out in vast sordid movies, were shifted in dreams, woke on a sudden Manhattan, and picked themselves up out of basements hung over with heartless Tokay and horrors of Third Avenue iron dreams & stumbled to unemployment offices,
who walked all night with their shoes full of blood on the snowbank docks waiting for a door in the East River to open to a room full of steam-heat and opium,
who created great suicidal dramas on the apartment cliff-banks of the Hudson under the wartime blue floodlight of the moon & their heads shall be crowned with laurel in oblivion,
who ate the lamb stew of the imagination or digested the crab at the muddy bottom of the rivers of Bowery,
who wept at the romance of the streets with their pushcarts full of onions and bad music,
who sat in boxes breathing in the darkness under the bridge, and rose up to build harpsichords in their lofts,
who coughed on the sixth floor of Harlem crowned with flame under the tubercular sky surrounded by orange crates of theology,
who scribbled all night rocking and rolling over lofty incantations which in the yellow morning were stanzas of gibberish,
who cooked rotten animals lung heart feet tail borsht & tortillas dreaming of the pure vegetable kingdom,
who plunged themselves under meat trucks looking for an egg,
who threw their watches off the roof to cast their ballot for Eternity outside of Time, & alarm clocks fell on their heads every day for the next decade,
who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccessfully, gave up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought they were growing old and cried,
who were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits on Madison Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse & the tanked-up clatter of the iron regiments of fashion & the nitroglycerine shrieks of the fairies of advertising & the mustard gas of sinister intelligent editors, or were run down by the drunken taxicabs of Absolute Reality,
who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually happened and walked away unknown and forgotten into the ghostly daze of Chinatown soup alleyways & firetrucks, not even one free beer,
who sang out of their windows in despair, fell out of the subway window, jumped in the filthy Passaic, leaped on negroes, cried all over the street, danced on broken wineglasses barefoot smashed phonograph records of nostalgic European 1930's German jazz finished the whiskey and threw up groaning into the bloody toilet, moans in their ears and the blast of colossal steamwhistles,
who barreled down the highways of the past journeying to each other's hotrod-Golgotha jail-solitude watch or Birmingham jazz incarnation,
who drove crosscountry seventytwo hours to find out if I had a vision or you had a vision or he had a vision to find out Eternity,
who journeyed to Denver, who died in Denver, who came back to Denver & waited in vain, who watched over Denver & brooded & loned in Denver and finally went away to find out the Time, & now Denver is lonesome for her heroes,
who fell in hopeless cathedrals praying for each other's salvation and light and breasts, until the soul illuminated its hair for a second,
who crashed through their minds in jail waiting for impossible criminals with golden heads and the charm of reality in their hearts who sang sweet blues to Alcatraz,
who retired to Mexico to cultivate a habit, or Rocky Mount to tender Buddha or Tangiers to boys or Southern Pacific to the black locomotive or Harvard to Narcissus to Woodlawn to the daisychain or grave,
who demanded sanity trials accusing the radio of hypnotism & were left with their insanity & their hands & a hung jury,
who threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism and subsequently presented themselves on the granite steps of the madhouse with shaven heads and harlequin speech of suicide, demanding instantaneous lobotomy,
and who were given instead the concrete void of insulin metrasol electricity hydrotherapy psychotherapy occupational therapy pingpong & amnesia,
who in humorless protest overturned only one symbolic pingpong table, resting briefly in catatonia,
returning years later truly bald except for a wig of blood, and tears and fingers, to the visible madman doom of the wards of the madtowns of the East,
Pilgrim State's Rockland's and Greystone's foetid halls, bickering with the echoes of the soul, rocking and rolling in the midnight solitude-bench dolmen-realms of love, dream of life a nightmare, bodies turned to stone as heavy as the moon,
with mother finally ******, and the last fantastic book flung out of the tenement window, and the last door closed at 4 AM and the last telephone slammed at the wall in reply and the last furnished room emptied down to the last piece of mental furniture, a yellow paper rose twisted on a wire hanger in the closet, and even that imaginary, nothing but a hopeful little bit of hallucination--
ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and now you're really in the total animal soup of time--
and who therefore ran through the icy streets obsessed with a sudden flash of the alchemy of the use of the ellipse the catalog the meter & the vibrating plane,
who dreamt and made incarnate gaps in Time & Space through images juxtaposed, and trapped the archangel of the soul between 2 visual images and joined the elemental verbs and set the noun and dash of consciousness together jumping with sensation of Pater Omnipotens Aeterna Deus
to recreate the syntax and measure of poor human prose and stand before you speechless and intelligent and shaking with shame, rejected yet confessing out the soul to conform to the rhythm of thought in his naked and endless head,
the madman bum and angel beat in Time, unknown, yet putting down here what might be left to say in time come after death,
and rose reincarnate in the ghostly clothes of jazz in the goldhorn shadow of the band and blew the suffering of America's naked mind for love into an eli eli lamma lamma sabacthani saxophone cry that shivered the cities down to the last radio
with the absolute heart of the poem of life butchered out of their own bodies good to eat a thousand years.
San Francisco 1955 1956

10.06.2005

Show listings

I've been super behind on logging all the shows that are coming to town which I am interested in attending (see sidebar). So I thought I'd take the time to do Concert Calendar of sorts.
Well, tonight, I'm checking out Steve Lawler @ Trinity -- I love Steve's discs and this will be the first time I've heard him play out--plus we're the kick-off for his new Lights Out 3 Disc out on Global Underground. If you're not familiar with these discs, the packaging alone is enough to make you cream yourself. Then you get roughed up by the basslines and you know its over!! (Lyrics from Lights Out 1, Disc 2 include, "Gonna make you hard/gonna get it off") Gurl! That be durrty!
Ok. Now here's the rundown:
10/11 - Bob Mould @ Neumo's
10/22 - Iron & Wine / Calexico @ The Moore
10/24 - KRS-One @ Chop Suey
11/4 - Katrina Benefit Show @ Chop Suey
11/9 - Styrofoam (w/ live band) @ Chop Suey
11/16 - Adult. @ Chop Suey
11/17 - Jem @ The Moore
12/3 - !!! @ The Croc
Jebus-fawkin-Chris that's alotta music!!! In bold are the ones I'm mos def gonna be at.

10.04.2005

He was analraping me


OMG! I laughed so much that my sides ache and my heart went pitter-pat last night while watching Arrested Development. Chances are, if you read this blog, then I know you and you know how much I adore that show.
Last night's episode, here's what I loved:
Obvs, Tobias being the first Analysis/Therapist, or as his business cards state--analrapist.
The music! All the cheesy after-school-special-y music when the family was planning Buster's party. (Matt contends that David Cross had something to do with it.)
Surrogate father, aka Super Dave Osborn, aka Bob Einstein, sitting in for George Sr. who is at home under house arrest channel flipping.
GOB drugging everyone, including (in scenes from next week) himself. Maeby drugging [her cousin] Steve Holt.
Jesus, I could go on. But I'll stop there.
And in other television news: Rory Gilmore sex boat.
I just wanted to type that in because Paris said that if you Google "Rory Gilmore sex boat" it'll take you to some blog. I want it to bring you to mine.
Ok. That's it.

10.03.2005

Serenity Now

You know I liked it. Before I even saw it, I liked it, but I thought I'd take the time to actually say how much I liked it. Serenity is a great film. It neatly wraps up (most) of the series' questions and has some really great fight sequences. Its amazing what Joss can do for $40million bucks--that's like how much it costs to have Julia Roberts appear in your film, and he made an entire space soap opera. Most of the reviews I've read take digs at Star Wars, but I'm above that. [Serenity is way better than the last four installments of Star Wars.]
Also this weekend, inspired by Cameron's delicious carrot/ginger soup last week, I decided to make a squash soup. And, not to toot my own horn, I think it turned out really well. Its even veggie friendly so I can foist some of it onto the neighbors. The real test is Vicki, my seventy-something year old neighbor. I took some to her yesterday. If she asks me for the recipe, then I know its good. If she doesn't, then back to the drawing board--but really I think its pretty good.
If you're interested in knowing how I made it, I'll send you the recipe (actually, I work sans recipe for most of my dishes, but I know what I put in it, and about how much). No, the image on this post is not my actual soup, it is merely a representation.
Image from: Egari.com

9.29.2005

[Essentially] what I do in a vault underground

Go to this site and roll over the pictures to see before and after touch-ups. Now you get an idea of what I do. (I bet those celebrities aren't very happy!!)

Sorry about your face


Don't get it twisted, y'all! Ebony--who I never thought was attractive to begin with--got ousted last night on ANTM. Maybe if she had taken one good picture, she would have beaten plus-sized latina Diane. Best picture last night--Nicole. Runner-up--Nik. My money's still on Lisa for the win.
The best part of last night's show was watching it with two awesome 'mos, Bill (whose poor face is all stitched) and Cam (who is the abuser). Man-on-man domestic violence is hot!
So after the show, I schlep it all the way home to watch So You Think You Can Dance? only to begin texting Paul and finding out that his TiVOed version cut off at the half way point. So I get my ass back in my car and drive back to the hill, and I get to watch my other fave reality show with other rad peeps--word Paul, David, Jared, & Rachel!!! I can't freaking believe that Jamile is still in the running to becoming America's Next Top Dancer!! I mean, dude's ok (wikkid hella better than me), but he's no Nick or Blake. Poor, poor Blake--that's what you get for being Canadian, and like I told him last week, don't do the "chest reveal" drop trou to do the "package reveal" wearing a thong. Boys never listen to me, though. I still hope Melody and Nick win (although that Ashley is pretty damn good).
And finally, I need your help, dear readers. I've been driven crazy by Ted Casablanca and his Toothy Tile stories.
To get you up to speed, some young Hollywood actor is a homo who has been seen around town being all kissy face w/ boys (or, at least one boy in particular).
My hope was that it was Jake Gyllenhaal, but after Sept. 8th's column, wherein Ted claims the actor is from a state directly above Texas, my hopes, like my carrot-ginger soup, were dashed (the latter w/ salt).
Here's who its not:
Tobey Maguire, Keanu Reeves, Jamie Foxx, Orlando Bloom, Vin Diesel, Sean William Scott, Adam Brody, Ryan Cabrera, Matt Damon, Michael Vartan, Elijah Wood, Ben Affleck, Hayden Christiansen, Chris Klein, Josh Hartnett, Josh Brolin, Will Smith, Wilmer Valderama, Tom Cruise, Tom Welling, Johnny Depp, Johhny Knoxville, Seth Green, Justin Timberlake, Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Julian McMahon, Val Kilmer, Josh Duhamel, Benjamin McKenzie, Josh Lucas
Please, someone help me piece together this puzzle--we know that he dated an "annoyingly perfect girl" before becoming infatuated with the pole. Read Ted's articles to see if you can figure it out. Thanks!

9.28.2005

Brought to you by the letter K


Big ups to my girl K for pointin' me to this site. Apparently, Puberty: The Movie will be coming (ahem) out sometime next year. It features Joe Lo Truglio of "The State" and Wet, Hot American Summer, Todd Barry who is wikkid funny, David Wain also of "The State" and "Stella", and Eugene Mirman who is kinda funny.
The clip from Puberty: The Movie is probably not appropriate for the workplace.

9.27.2005

I <3 TV


I never really think of myself as a TV person, but here it is, the beginning of the fall season, and I find myself entranced by the glowing light box.

Last night's
Arrested Development sealed the deal--this is the funniest show that has ever been on television. The set-ups are funny, the payoffs are funny. Everything goes for the joke and few (if any) miss the mark. Will Arnett as GOB was definitely my favorite last night. Not as much Lucille as I generally like, but Buster's hand in the dishwasher was (another) stroke of genius. I've been waiting with bated breath for Scott Baio's return to the small screen (he was recently in the abhorrent Cursed) and next week, he'll join the cast the Bluth family's new lawyer--Bob Loblaw. And, in case you're bored at work, check out this funny site erected for the shows debut.

You know what is different about my viewing habits this year? There is a communal element that has been missing since college. Matt and I watch Arrested Development on Mondays. Kelley and I watch
Gilmore Girls on Tuesdays. Bill, Cam, Derek, and I watch America's Next Top Model on Wednesdays. Its been really great to bond with people over a TV show, rather than just watching at home by myself and talking with people about them the next day.

I think that after
So You Think You Can Dance? ends, I'll have to add Veronica Mars to my Wednesday night viewing. My much beloved Joss Whedon is doing a cameo in episode 3. Charisma Carpenter is joining the cast, and Allyson Hannigan is doing a guest spot.

Oh television, I love you so. (Much more than
Wm. Steven Humphreys.)

9.26.2005

At the car wash, yeah


Lighter subjects: My weekend in review.

Friday night I hit up the
War Room for Andy Caldwell. The usual suspects were there along with a ton of really annoying people. You know, the kind that elbow their way onto to the dancefloor just to stand around and talk. The kind that grind all up on the ladies then act pissed when they get rebuffed. I almost burned a girl's hair with my cigarette--twice. I often contend that the major reason for maintaining my smoking habit is to exact revenge on the dancefloor.
You know the crowd was annoying if Paul was screaming at some girl, "TRASH!! TRASH!!" Well, he said what all of us were thinking. The track selection was actually really good, and like K pointed out, it was like he was throwing away perfectly good music on total retards. Ah well, all nights can't be amazing, right?

Saturday day, did a bunch of nothin'. Tried to go shopping at
Fred Meyer's but just got the feeling that all the people there were related to the people who were at the War Room. If you couldn't tell, I get peeved easily. That night K invited me to use an extra pass for the Decibel Festival. HELL YES!! Deadbeat was adorable wearing pants that were too big and a shirt that was too small. He chain smoked behind his laptop and smiled so big when the crowd applauded him. For me, he was a little too dub, and that's just not the kind of music you dance to (smoke to, maybe). Then came Akufen who threw the dirtiest basslines and bassiest kick drums right through me. It was one of those sets where your heartbeat takes on the beat of the music. If the bass had been any heavier, I'm sure people on the dancefloor would have evacuated their bowels. Here comes the lame part: I left early. I couldn't do it. I'm getting too old. I only made it through about forty-five minutes.

Sunday: Went to the car wash. One of the guys working there was scrubbing down the outside of the car before I went through. We made eye contact. I smiled. He smiled. I came out the other side and the towel boy is drying me off. Here comes the guy who was scrubbing me down. He asks me to roll down my window. I do. "I get off at 8:00," he says. "You should stop by around 8:15. My name is Francisco. What's yours?" Made. My. Day.
Did I return, you wonder? Did I go and have some hot car wash sex?
You know me better than that.
Y'know what I think is funny--how he knew I was gay. I mean, for me, I always feel like I have "FAG" tatooed across my forehead--but there was nothing, just a smile. Maybe I just have a gay face.

And, for your edification,
a parody of the Paris Hilton car wash video.

9.21.2005

Community and lack thereof

I didn't know Ryan K. Robertson. I don't even remember the name of the cute guy I used to see at The Cobalt Cafe who killed himself in Volunteer Park. Besides suicide, they had something in common. They both felt that the gay community's fixation on sex and image prevented them from establishing meaningful relationships. In some respects, I agree.
Recently at dinner with Risa and Keith, Risa asked me to explain why I didn't really like one of her sister's gay friends. "I don't think you would understand unless you were a gay man," I said.
"Well, try me," she responded.
And I didn't know how to put it into words (maybe because I was on my second martini). The mere fact that I would relegate this living, breathing, complex human into 'them' status because of his speech patterns, the way he dresses, and his values--well, at least my perception of them--says a lot about the current state of the gay community. How can we prevent someone from taking their life if we quickly label them and put them on a shelf?
At brunch with Geoff on Sunday, we were having a similar conversation. He went to a house party and there were some Chelsea-boy types there. They held no interest to him and trying to have a conversation with one was out of the question. In some respects, this form of intra-minority stereotyping is similar to the "blue-veined" mulattoes and full-blooded blacks that was pervasive from the turn-of-the century to the 1950's. However, theirs was a class stuggle and desire to fit into the white world; ours is an adolescent struggle to define our very nature. I don't need to say that this stuggle is divisive--it is literally killing people; yet, it persists.
I think, in a lot of ways, we are ill-equipped to solve this problem. As gay men, we socialize much later in life than heteros. When straight people are fifteen or sixteen, they are copping a feel in the back seat of their dad's Buick. If we are lucky, by the time we are in college, we'll finally start sexualization--many of us have even longer to wait. Add to that overcoming the societal stigmas of being gay and, by the time we actually realize there is a community, we are too jaded to actually participate in it and contribute to it.
Gay men are more likely to attempt suicide than straight men. I know of two who have succeeded. I know of two who have failed--one of those is me.
I don't think I'll ever try it again. I don't think I'll ever feel that kind of despair again. Even though most of the gay guys I meet are insipid and vain, I don't think I'll ever quit looking for 'the right one'. Maybe, I'll even come to place where I can reconcile the dichotomies of anonymity/recognizability and lust/love that are inherent in the gay community. Right now, I don't have the solutions for these heady struggles which have claimed the lives of so many of us, but I hope I can, at least, open a dialogue so that we may one day save ourselves.

9.20.2005

Developing Arrests


Last night I went over to Matt's for the season premiere of Arrested Development and both of us were pleased with the opener. Lucille, Buster, Michael, GOB, Lindsay, and the gang delighted us with their silly antics. My favorite line had something to do with a "dusty old claptrap." Seaward, indeed.
Here's some more pop-culture-y stuff of which I was recently made aware.
Mirrormask - Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean have teamed up to bring us this fairy tale, and guys, it looks beautiful. If you're not familiar with Dave, he's created some of the most visually arresting images of the last ten (or so) years. He's done CD covers for the likes of Tori Amos, Alice Cooper, and the Counting Crows. And as for his cohort in creating this film, if you don't know Neil Gaiman, then, well, I probably don't want to know you. I'll take the time, however, to inform you. Neil is responsible for the comic Sandman and a plethora of inventive, unique fantasy novels. His short stories are, in my opinion, some of the cleverest ever written (see: Bay Wolf, BeoWulf meets BayWatch). Anyway, for your daily dose of eye candy, I recommend checking out the trailer. Gorgeous, huh? And it's coming out Sept. 30th. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, "Where the hell have I been?"
Tonight: New episode of Gilmore Girls!!! Yippie! Will Lorelai and Rory finally talk? Or will the wall of isolation continue to separate them? Will Paris call and annoy Lorelai? Will Luke get his hair color back to normal?
I love fall--now if only we could drop this upper 60's crap and get some mizzle going. [Ed note: For those not located in the Pacific Northwest, mizzle is the combination mist and drizzle for which the region is known.]

9.19.2005

Hell-curved-to-the-left


Weekend Recap:
Friday. Went on third worst date ever. Upon returning from the restroom, my suitor asked me if I wanted to "bust a nut all over his face." Guh-ross.
Saturday. Caught up with Netflix movies.
Sunday. Brunch at the Wild Mountain Cafe with Geoff. Hellbent later that evening with Bill, Geoff, Cameron, and Cameron's sister Ashley. Then the Cuff with Bill, and finally Re-Bar.

First I'll give you my review of Hellbent. My expectations were low. Said expectations were met. There were also a couple clever constructs--like a glass eye. All in all, there wasn't enough boy-on-boy action although there was plenty of flesh. The gore was pretty good and the scares were non-existent. This is the longest review that a film of this caliber warrants.

Now, about the date.
So I'm not really one to shy away from meeting someone new. I always say that everyone has a story to tell. Generally, stories interest me even if they are poorly told. The date didn't have any stories. Fortunately, he had a love for Buffy, and that was enough to sustain our conversation from bar to burrito shop. Then we parted ways. Even though he did ask me if I wanted to have sex with him. And even though he did ask me if I wanted to bust a nut all over his face, he wasn't really that bad of a guy. Just a little young. Just a little lonely. Just a little socially awkward. I (obviously) won't call him back. I won't respond to his emails, and it makes me feel a little guilty. Not that guilty, though. He did say, "bust a nut all over my face."

9.15.2005

Tomorrow cancelled due to lack of interest

We all know that Seattle is a city that loves its arts. Especially its contemporary arts. We've got Roq la Rue and BlueBottle, the Henry and the Frye, Bumbershoot and the Decibel Festival. In fact, Dave Eggers was surprised with our fair city's ability to quickly raise capital for something as nebulous as a center for creative writing.
Here's what I don't get, though. With all of our resources and apparent willingness to support the arts, why are arts organizations failing? Why is something like ResFest not making a stop in Seattle this year? Three years ago, ResFest was at the Cinerama. This year, I'll have to travel to Vancouver to see any of it.
911 Media Arts, COCA, and ConWorks are all having a rough time of it. ACT Theatre seems to have been temporarily rescued. So basically, these larger structures are easier to support (ACT, the Henry, the Frye, et al.). They get more funding and have higher profiles, and here's the part that blows my mind--the boards of directors have totally stepped away from what their members want and, in an effort to save money, have fired Executive Directors and founders. What is this doing? Its alienating the members even further. It is frustrating to the employees who remain. It makes the board look like a bunch of jackasses (which they are).
I know I should be more concerned with the horrific tragedies which are taking place around the world, but sometimes those things make me want to stay in bed. Art makes me want to get up, get out, and do something. I'm not sure who said that we will be saved by our cultural imagination, but when I first heard it, I realized it was a precept to which I already subscribed.
Hopefully the politics and the structures in which these organizations operate can be changed. I don't know if I've told you to before, but become a member. Donate. Vote.

9.14.2005

Seedy does it

Saturday night, Bill invited me to tag along to an art opening. Normally, I enjoy art, but gallery spaces can seem so uptight that I generally pass. This opening was different--it was at the new clothing store in Ballard, Twenty/Twenty. The artwork was great and graphic-y (just the way I like it). To repay Bill for his kindness in including me, I decide to take him to the dive-iest bar I know. (Actually, Bill requested the dive-iest bar I know).
That, my friends, would be the
Golden City. The first time I went to the Golden City, I was treated to a stabbing. This alone does not make the Golden City the dive-iest. It merely puts it in the company with the pre-hipster days Crescent. One time Maggie and some of her Elliot Bay cohorts had the same request as Bill. Dive-bar. Ballard. Go. As we arrived, an altercation between two drunken men was taking place outside the bar. The gang opted for the second seediest dive bar. Ah well, their loss.
Luckily, the bar lived up to the reputation on Saturday. Neither Bill nor myself were disappointed. The nicotine stained painting of a riverboat, replete with the Negroes playing the banjo, welcomed us. The bartendress was aged beyond her years from hard-living. An old man sat at a stool on one side of the bar. A middle aged woman at the other. His glasses were thick and rimmed with square black plastic. Her discman provided her with tunes (thankfully) inaudible to the rest of the bar. Both were well into their cups.
Bill and I ordered and grabbed a seat. We each chose songs for the jukebox. When Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" came on, the woman at the bar ripped her headphones off and lazily exclaimed, "I love this fuckin' song!"
And she did, too. She gyrated and sang-along--when she remembered what she was doing.
She gyrated all the way to the old man who told her to, "Keep [her] filthy fuckin' harlot hands off of [him]." She was dejected then ejected. She tried to run back in, but the bartendress kept her at bay.
The next colorful character was a man selling steak and cheese from his backpack. Had I known that he had a block of Tillamook, I gladly would have purchased it from him. As it stood, the bartendress got to the booty well before me. Everyone passed on the steak, though. There;s just something a little oogy about purchasing beef out from someone's backpack.
The final person to grace us with his presence was an artist. A real live artist!! He was a poet, too. Well, more of a rapper. He had this Eminem schtick down. He regaled us with not one, not two, but three different poems. Each misogynistic and bigoted in its own unique way. He, apparently, was on drugs. ("My toxicology report would look like a phone book," he said multiple times.)
But that was about all I could take. Dive right in, everyone, the bar is fine.

Kiss kiss, bang bang

You're a Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go
So I guess its your turn now . . . tell me your results, bitches.

9.08.2005

Evacuee vs. Refugee


I meant to post on this yesterday, but I'm glad I didn't. At the end of NBC's newscast yesterday, Brian Williams mentioned that they would be referring to the people left devastated and homeless after hurricane Katrina as "survivors" or "evacuees" rather than "refugees." Article here. Apparently, some people wrote in bothered by the word refugee.
Fuck Jesse Jackson and his belief that the word refugee has race implications!!
And fuck those right-wing, kumbayah singing, we're-all-gonna-make-it-through-this douche bags!
Oh my god, did I just say that?
Here's what I'm talking about.
From Dicitonary.com
evacuee - A person evacuated from a dangerous area.

refugee - One who flees in search of refuge, as in times of war, political oppression, or religious persecution.

Now let's look at the verbs on which these nouns are based.

refuge -
Protection or shelter, as from danger or hardship.
A place providing protection or shelter.
A source of help, relief, or comfort in times of trouble.

evacuate -
To withdraw from or vacate a place or area, especially as a protective measure.
To excrete waste matter from the body.

Sorry for that second definition of evacuate, but I can't resist
referencing poop.
Anyway, I know that those people are thinking, We don't have refugees in our country! Refugees are those poor people we don't care about in Africa.
Well, guess what? We do have refugees. Perhaps if there had been more preventitive measures taken, and these people weren't surrounded by death and disease for over five days, we would merely have evacuees. The government fucked up. Across the board--fucked up. And, unlike Harry S. Truman, Bush's buck starts at the President's desk and gets passed to just about everyone. I see the change in words as a way in which these blind people are continuing to pass the buck and lessen the severity of the disaster. And the fact that the "liberal media" kowtows to these cross-huggin', bigoted fuck-ups only exacerbates the matter (and validates their screwed up beliefs).
We have refugees. We are not above having refugees. We need to focus on providing refuge.

In other news, Arnold has decided to veto the CA gay marriage bill. Woohoo! One small step (backwards) for mankind! I could go on about the
principles of equality and our founding fathers' belief in a secualr government, but I'm sure other people have already done a better job than me. So I just want to say "Fuck you" to people like BoiFromTroy (Sept. 7th entry) and other self-hating queers that actually believe they can have a voice in a party whose constituents wish they didn't exist.
So, "Fuck you!"

And, you, gentle reader, thanks for listening to me bitch.

9.06.2005

Sunday is church



I've been itching to shake my ass for a few weeks now, and although I have attended two noteworthy shows (GusGus, Richie Hawtin), neither compares to the joy that is Flammable.

I didn't get off work until midnight on Sunday (Monday morning), but as a I drove up, the kick drum summoned me through the door. Matty, Dominique, David, and Jared were outside each sweaty from dancing and genrous with hugs.

The selections weren't the tightest, and Wesley was so blotto that Papa spun a few. For some reason, it didn't matter. The place was packed and after downing a couple of drinks, I was out on the floor. Moments later, I found Bill and the two of us tore up that old dancefloor.

Its really hard to describe how house music can change your mood. How it is much more than the kick drum and hi-hat. How dancing brings you closer to people and to community. Its hard to describe those things to someone who doesn't know it. So, I hope you come out sometime and experience it. I don't don't go to church as often as I should, but when I do, I gotta thank God for the music.