One of my darkest secrets . . .

. . . is that when I come home from work, after I watch the previous evening's Daily Show and Colbert Report, I watch The View.

If you ask me about it in person, I will deny it.

But I had to say something, because today,
Sherri Lewis (ok, I know that's not her real last name, but I can never remember her real last name) got into it with that dumb bitch Elisabeth Hasselhoff (ok, I also realize that is not her last name, but I like to imagine that her husband is the Hoff and not some football player).

So as I was watching them hiss and show their claws, I thought, "I would really just like to give that highstrung, uptight bitch a hit of ecstasy, hold her in my arms, stroke her hair, and extol the virtues of analingus to her."

Also, I would like to encourage the studio audience to begin booing Elisabeth.

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