5.14.2007

Spent

Its funny how a week in Texas can feel like a year. It was hot. I slept inverted on the bed so that my head was directly under the fan. I tossed and turned like I haven't since I was an adolescent--I was in the room the room that was once mine, but now had the bed frame from my grandmother's house not my waterbed. The Billabong charcoal drawing that adorned the southfacing wall (a remnant from the times when my brother slept in the room) has been painted over, a lovely shade of green. My Catwoman poster has been replaced with some antique baptism gown or baby doll gown. Its luminesence in the night makes me think of the ghost of a dead child.
Beads of sweat materialize to dampen my pillow moments later because, and I think I've mentioned this, it was hot.
I drank a lot but only got drunk when I added tequila to my Bud Light (a trick my brother and his friend use at Jimmy Buffett concerts).
If there had been cigarettes around, I would have smoked them. Well, maybe.
This weekend also brought sad news about my mom's sister. She may have cancer of the pancreas. I saw my mother sob like I haven't in since--well, since the times when I made her cry. So I promised her that I would pray for my aunt. I promised my aunt that I would pray for her.
Those are lies that I still tell. I think coming out as an atheist to my family would be much more difficult than coming out as a homo was.
My family's lives feel like willful ignorance. They feel like Texas.
I also had dinner with three people I was in choir with in high school--1 guy and 2 girls. I slept with the guy on a regular basis. We never kissed. Seeing him again was bizarre. He looks just like his father, but acts just the same as when I knew him. He burst into some of the songs we sang in choir. All three of them remembered things of which I had no recollection.
He likes Buffy and Battlestar Galactica, and he's getting married for the second time in July. See? Experimentation during adolescence is completely normal--and I'm glad I had someone to practice on.
I told him that I was ordained and could perform his wedding ceremony.
All three of my dinner companions gave me a look like I was a little bit heretical.
My allergies were out of control. On the way to the airport this morning, I sneezed more than I have in the past year here in Seattle. The plane was delayed two hours because we needed a part. We weren't allowed to de-plane until 45 minutes later. Old women were complaining and children were crying. It was hot.
I am spent.

(More tomorrow, like what the new banner's all about.)

3 comments:

GayProf said...

Texas ages you. I am only 32, but feel close to 60.

Did you talk about all that experimentation? Or is that a topic that just isn't discussed?

jeremy said...

Well, I think the topic might have been discussed if the girls weren't there.
But they were and my chance never arose.

Tennille said...

thats a wedding I would have paid to see