Dear Rental Market,

I've followed you around enough to know that this year and well into the next, you can expect your vacancies to grow and your prices to drop.

Our sluggish economy is partly to thank. So is all that new construction. I'm also guessing that a lot of those people who signed on for a condo in a recently converted apartment building are getting mad that all the other condos are vacant and for rent.

So its a renter's market. Please, don't tell me differently, I read Craigslist everyday.

So since things are in my favor and a certain guy and myself will most likely be looking for a place in the not-too-distant future, let's lay some ground rules.

First of all, anything north of 100th cannot be more than $1/sqft.

I'm talking to you, Galleria near North Seattle Community College. I don't care what your amenities are--no amount of amenities is going to justify living that close to Aurora, Northgate, and I-5. Sure, you're just $100 bucks above my standard, but that's $1200/year, and you clearly are not worth it.

Any sort of home that has been converted into a du/tri/quadplex--your rent should be 33% lower than your competition. The home is obviously old. The other tenants, no matter how congenial, will invariably be loud--whether they are clomping above you, getting it on next to you, or showering beneath you.

This place has been listed for well over two months and the price keeps dropping. Based on its location and the fact that its a quadplex, I expect to see its price drop to around $925/mo before it gets some renters, but they could even hold out til $875 or so. The original asking price for it? $1125--haha!!!

Anything in West Seattle, unless on Alki beach, should be roughly $200 cheaper than its city counterpart. Crossing that bridge sucks, and every West Seattle resident knows it.

Lake City is not hip. If someone has to live in Lake City, they should be paying next to nothing, and getting a ton--exercise room, pool, additional storage, free internet, and incentives to move in.

Westlake is not better than Eastlake, so reign in those prices. Places like the Neptune think that just because they are new and offer a rooftop garden, cardio center and media room, they can charge top dollar. Compare those prices with a place like Illumina which is just a stone's throw across the water--and closer to Whole Foods I might add. Which prices look good to you?

So, all that being said, most of all, I want a place that I can call home for a few years--until Phil finishes school and gets a job he enjoys and we can afford to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a mortgage.

So if for some reason you see a place, preferably in the Crown Hill, Whittier Heights, Ballard, Phinney Ridge, Fremont, Wallingford, Greenlake, Greenwood area, that's around say $975 let me know, m'kay?

And it might be nice if that place allows dogs.