Fine! I'll Do It!

But the only way I'll do it is if you, my friends, help me.
First of all, don't be afraid to ask me how I'm doing.
Sure, I'll be all testy and such for the first few weeks, but that's to be expected, right?
Secondly, carry gum/mints/toothpicks something on you at all times to hand over to me.
Lord knows I won't be able to just drop the oral part of this fixation easily.
Third!!! Don't act all "You should have done this a long time ago." Cuz I know that. And I tried a long time ago. It just didn't take.
And finally, don't complain when I take up something equally annoying. Like the harmonica or the zither. Oh yeah. It's already been 24 hours. Think I can get the stink out before my mom's arrival on Thursday?

Boy Bus

Every once in a while, riding the bus has its perks. Like today, for example. Sure, the bus was packed and there were no single seats available--and it was early, but there were myriad men on the bus. All: Of legal age. Most: With glasses. Some: Reading. Few: Checking each other out. And this totally cute guy who had horn rimmed glasses and was reading (what I thought was the Sports section--but turned out to be Life and Arts) looked in my direction not once or twice, but it was almost a staring match! If I were younger and more carefree, I probably would have gotten off at his stop. No comments, please.
Anyway.
Here's the test I just took.
Tell me your results.

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

How scary are you?

I've gotta say that I did stack the decks when answering these questions, but that's just the mood I'm in.

Shame is Shameful

Just really irritated by the religious right. (I know, that's a first, huh?)
Check out this article.
It must be nice to sit from a position of affluence and influence--to sit in a position of power and persecute others.
Jesus must be pissed at those assholes.

Its the Fruit That Makes It Fruity

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their prayers, kind words, and lighting of candles. The doctors are not going to remove Matthew's neck, and this surely has something to do with your concern.
Now I've gotta take the time to talk about an interesting phenomenon. My boss today came into my office and with what appeared to be an apple. "Smell it," she said. So I did. It smelled like a grape Jolly Rancher. And eating it was no different.
Welcome, my friends, to the wonderful world of Grapple (pronounced with a long a). Not only is it a delicious treat, it also an abomination! It is the bastardized genetic off-spring of original sin and original drunkenness. These Grapples would make the perfect gift. Know someone grappling with a problem? Get them a bunch of Grapples. They're Grrraaappe!!
And how was my weekend, you ask?
Well, I did go see Felix. I took a car load of kids down to the show. Tom, Paul, Rachel, Rachel, Christopher, and a nice young fellow whose name eludes me. That's right, seven of us piled into the Milennia ghetto-fabulous style and schlepped it to Element.
I've gotta say I'm pretty disappointed with the club. We got there decidedly early so we wouldn't have to pay an additional $5 bucks cover, but guess what? The jack-ass club owners made us stand out front for twenty minutes--just so their stupid little club could look popular, and so they could get an extra 5 bones a head. So when we finally made it in? Empty. Pretty darn close to empty. It made me sick.
I ran into Eric and Gigi, and young man I've met a few times named Matt (no, not the one you were praying for). Everyone was pretty convivial and eventually, Felix came to the decks. I was pretty underwhelmed. It was like he read the article in the Stranger and did everything they said. Maybe he would have done more, but I bolted at about 1:20. What I did hear: Mash-up "Ride the White Horse"/"Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger," Blur "Boys Who Like Girls," "Silver Screen Shower Scene," Pink Floyd "The Wall," and as I was leaving, another Blur song. It was all arms waving and chanting along--in other words, annoying.
Ah well. I'm sure there'll be a good show soon.
[Editor's note: I apologize for the picture from last week, it literally was one of the first few that pulled up when I typed in "abscessed cyst". I apologize for any queasy stomachs.]

Heat it up, and cut it off with a box cutter

Poor, poor Matthew. He got an abscessed cyst, much like the picture on the right--only not so low. I would like to encourage everyone to light a candle and say a prayer for Matthew. He is in a state of much discomfort (although I doubt as much discomfort as the poor illustration to the right--were it a real person).
So I'll be taking him back to the clinic tomorrow. "What's gonna happen to my baby," I'll shout. Then I'll put my hands over my eyes and sob uncontrollably. I'm sure he'll be fine though. He has enough pot to last until armageddon--and if that doesn't work, maybe he can get the doctor to prescribe some fun pills (I'll split the cost if I can have a few).
Otherwise--
Felix da Housecat will be droppin' some beats tonight down at Element and I told Tom that I'd go out tonight. So instead of staying at home and watching Fog of War and I Think I Do, I'll shake it--but just a little. I have to wake up in the morn to take poor, poor Matthew to the clinic.

A word is worth a thousand pictures

I have to get to the Uptown Cinema today to take a picture of their marquee!! On my bus ride this morning, the marquee read "Ballard of Jack and Rose". I wanted to laugh, but I was too tired. Now that I've been to the gym and had a few cups of joe, I'm rolling around in hysterics and my co-workers are giving me strange looks. I hope it hasn't changed by the time I get home, grab my camera and head back up there.
If you're wondering where the strange picture from the left comes from, I Googled Ballard and this was one of the pictures that came up.
What are you doing this weekend? Me, I'm probably going to check out Sin City at the Cinerama, I might go check out Dave Seaman at Element tonight. Tomorrow is a definite for the Stars show--and can I just say that I was pretty happy that the Stranger didn't have a write up on the show. Maybe it will prevent some boneheads from showing. And my other plans are to watch two surrealistic classics courtesy of Netflix. Un Chien Andalou and L'Age D'Or by Dali and Bunuel. If you haven't seen either, put them in your queue. I recommend watching them at least once every two years.