8.08.2006

Work around

Won't you lend a hand?
I know my shift from daywalker to night monkey has been chronicled fairly well on this here blog, but I feel like further expounding upon the subject.
Technically, I only have one day off a week--Saturday.
I go into work at 11PM on Sunday and I am finished at 7:45AM on Friday (don't think I work straight through, cuz that's just crazy talk).
I spend my entire time at work in a digital dark room. I look at pixels. I listen to music, and, for all intents and purposes, my body and brain still think that they are in some form of sleep.
Most of my dreams are related to cell phones or fame.
Asian girl on cell phone.
Mariah Carey on the red carpet.
Last week began with a sweaty Freddy Mercury and quickly degenerated to civil war in the Sierra Leone. Nightmarish images.
I saw emaciated children burying children who starved to death.
I saw a man dead on the street and I thought it was nice that someone had placed a flower on his head.
When I zoomed in, the flower turned into brain matter. I turned his brain into the flower I saw initially because someone should be nice--even if it is someone who didn't know the man. Even if the man has been dead for years. Even if I had to turn it back into brain after I finished with the picture.
I spend my time away from work trying to sleep. I no longer sleep for long periods of time. Part of this is a blessing--it battles my predisposition for depression induced sleep. Most of it is a curse.
I sleep for four hours. I am awake for two. I try to get a few more naps in before starting the cycle all over again. I do not feel connected to myself in my waking hours. I often feel as though I am watching myself. Bunuel has nothing on the surreal images that are formed when one naps, looks at tons of pictures, and naps some more.
I'm not writing this because I expect some sort of sympathy from you. I'm writing this so you understand why I don't return your phone calls. I'm writing this so you understand why I am frequently not available. Its not you, its me--but you already knew that.
Back to the filthy images from the Polish Solidarity Strike that began almost 26 years ago.

1 comment:

janice said...

i feel ya jer. well, not on the seeing emaciated children starving to death, but on being sleep deprived and bad on returning phone calls! but i know we both mean well!!!!!!!!! :)

this friday! bad movie! and if it's REALLY bad, you can totally sleep through it. i'll wake you up when it's over and drive you home. :)