Sometimes we need nostalgia

Last Thursday I got to see Andy Warhol's "Lonesome Cowboys" at Northwest Film Forum. It was brought to town by Three Dollar Bill Cinema in a series examining "queer desire in the Wild West." It was a little long, but that was to be expected. Truthfully, I thought it was hilarious and its a shame that the Warhol Foundation hasn't commited this film to video yet. Joe Dallesandro looked unreal at times, and cracked out at others. And the other lead, with shaggy red hair and a killer tan got my "queer desire" stirring.

Seeing a film like this--and recently I've been doing the whole "60's Underground cinema" thing at home--really reminds me of what it was like making videos when I was a kid (and to some extent in film school). The neighbor kids and I got together, wore our parents clothes and made a murder mystery. All of the suspects and even the detective died. "Who could have killed everyone," I queried as I breathed my last breaths. "The cameraman did." Then the cameraman (rather, woman) turned the camera on herself and said, "Cheese!" Or something.
Then there was the film where I donned sparkly red roller skates and toiled away in a workshop, creating an android. And, of course, there was the video we made for INXS's "I Was Standing, You Were There." Warhol's film had the same sort of slapdash feel to it and it made me nostalgic. Of course, there was considerably less sex and drug use in my forays into video.

Thursday night at work, I downloaded this track by Joakim. I've enjoyed all of Joakim's tracks that I've heard--especially his remix of Poni Hoax's "Budapest." I like the rock-y feel--the fuzzy hi-hats and his willingness to end a track in a sea of noise. When "I Wish You Were Gone" (the track above) began, I couldn't help but think of this track. Thank god we live in a world where my every whim can be satisfied nearly instantaneously. I downloaded "Only You" by the Yaz and my journey down Nostalgia Avenue continued. "Only You" is a song that makes me acutely aware of my age and my single-ness. It is also a song that can make tears well in my eyes. The synth counterpoints kill me, not to mention Ms. Moyet's unique voice.

This track got me to thinking of other songs from my youth which affect me as deeply. My late-twenties jadedness became pretty apparent. The only other song I could come up with was this one. Jimmy Somerville's voice, like Moyet's, is pretty gender-bending and very unique. From these two tracks, its pretty easy to trace the trajectory of my musical proclivities.

I thought I had gotten all of that nostalgia out of my system, but on Saturday Netflix sent me Parting Glances. Netflix has been screwing with my perception of reality lately (see previous post). Parting Glances has "Smalltown Boy" by Bronski Beat in it. It is not a great film by any stretch of the imagination, but I think it is one of those gay films that all gays should see. It was made in 1986 and touches on issues with which our community still struggles. There are some moments of clarity in the film and a great deal of compassion, but ultimately, it falls victim to muddled direction. The film's director, Bill Sherwood, died of complications due to AIDS in 1990.

All this nostalgia made me realize how far I have come, how far I have left to go, and how I am grateful for the touchstones in my life.